


The Hattrick

by pennysparrow



Category: DCU (Comics), Green Arrow (Comics), Hellblazer
Genre: Canon Compliant, Don't copy to another site, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Sassy, Smoking, Snark, teenage vigilante roasts grumpy street wizard, that's my new favorite genre descriptor & i hope this lives up to it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27267421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennysparrow/pseuds/pennysparrow
Summary: Mia has officially reached her limit on "accidental" run-ins with John Constantine. The snark isn't so much a defense as a weapon at this point.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	The Hattrick

**Author's Note:**

> The third part in the quasi unintentional trilogy that begins in [Negative Effects of Habits](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26762290) and continues in [Second Time is Coincidence](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27157036) though all of these are intended to be read as standalones too.
> 
> Blanket warning for John but specifically his smoking. Also there's a bit of dark humor.

There is a strong possibility that Mia is in hell. It’d be vaguely poetic and certainly fitting if her personal hell were an empty warehouse. The fact John Constantine is here definitely sells the idea.

“You just had to go for the hattrick,” Mia grumbles. She lowers her bow as the rumpled looking magician sticks his hands in his coat pockets.

John shrugs, “You did jinx it, love.”

Mia huffs. Taking the arrow off the string, she reaches over her shoulder to slide it back in her quiver. Begrudgingly, Mia is willing to admit that the circumstances are better this time around at least. For one, she knows where she is, isn’t in her pjs _or_ barefoot, and has not been captured or tied up by goons. Plus, she’s got her bow and the crate John just rounded was the last area she had to sweep before determining that the warehouse was indeed empty. The presence of the Englishman currently partaking in his favorite bad habit pretty much did Mia’s job for her.

Crossing her arms, Mia watches the smoke from John’s cigarette float towards the ceiling. Some hangs back to give him a hazy looking halo as he leans against the crate.

“I’d say we should stop meeting like this but apparently the universe would just take that as a challenge,” she says flatly.

Barking a laugh, John pushes himself upright and nods. “Normally I’ve got good luck but you’re turning out to be a bad penny, love.”

Mia drops her arms as she frowns, stepping closer to John despite the acidic smelling fog. She makes a big show of examining him, exaggerating her expression as she goes. “I don’t see you hanging by your ankles or otherwise incapacitated today. And we did have fun that first time. Or at least you got drunk and got me kicked out of Oblivion. Not sure how any of that is bad luck for you.”

John narrows his eyes and blows out a long stream of gray-white smoke. “But unlike your Righteousness, I don’t work for free. And on our last few encounters I got stiffed.” He leers, taking two thin fingers to remove the cigarette from his lip, “Unfortunately not literally.”

Rolling her eyes, Mia waves at the growing cloud. “Still underage, still not interested. Besides, I thought you conned space, time, and Zatanna into leaving with you last time.”

“Clever.” John does a short little nod as his lips and nose scrunch up. He takes another drag and eyes Mia carefully. “You do know I’m just winding you up, right? Don’t have any intentions towards ya. Remind me a bit of my niece if I’m bein’ honest.”

Mia smiles, letting herself roll her eyes since the mask will help soften the blow. “I do. You would’ve known it a while ago if I thought you were serious. Probably with a fist to the face.”

Despite his reputation, appearance, rudeness, and overall general bad attitude, John Constantine is a good person and she knows this. That much was obvious when they first met. Besides, they have a similar worldview of looking out for the little guy. Let someone else handle an alien invasion, and sure they’ll walk into the middle of a battle to save the world if they have to, but they’d rather help the single mom down the street. And piss off the powers that be.

“Can we get back to our regularly scheduled snark and gallows humor now?” she offers him a smirk.

John’s twisted expression smooths to match hers. “Gladly. So what’s a nice girl like you doin’ in a place like this?”

“Nearly hunting chain-smoking warlocks for sport, apparently.” Mia bares her teeth as John blows a thin stream of the aforementioned smoke over his shoulder.

“Point taken.”

“Not quite, I put my arrow away remember?”

“Heh,” John huffs and gestures towards her, “you’re quick today.”

“Well they don’t call me Speedy for nothing,” Mia drawls.

That has John genuinely laughing, hard enough he coughs a little on the smoke hanging around him. He takes that as his cue to stub his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe and flick the butt off into the warehouse. Mia can’t help but frown as she watches.

“Maybe you should quit. That didn’t sound good,” concern leaks into her voice.

John waves her off, waving the some of the haze away too. “Survived lung cancer once and I still didn’t learn me lesson. No point quitting now. ‘Sides,” something like mischief lit his eyes, “I’ve got a couple-a tricks up my sleeves.”

The hair on the back of Mia’s neck prickles. Wearing a look like that she believes John had conned the devil himself. “Just as long as they don’t wind up spilled all over the ground again,” she shoots back in an almost automatic defense mechanism.

Chuckling, Johns ducks his head. He nods slightly though, almost conceding that she’s made a point. Mia grins as he raises his brows and glances up at her. “So what’s caught Speedy’s ire today? ‘Sides yours truly of course.”

“Of course,” Mia agrees seriously. Her straight face lasts only a few seconds before a smile flickers, threatening to break out. Mia tamps it down as she straightens her spine, jutting her chin out just a hair. It gives her an air of authority that is nothing short of absurd which wins her laughs from Ollie every time. It works on John too. His chuckles increase as she adds a dry look.

“Reports of gunrunners in the area, this seemed the most likely option for their base but it’s disgustingly poorly guarded if it is. I haven’t even seen a single camera and you’re the only person I’ve run into. Should probably see what’s in these,” Mia sighs, gesturing vaguely to the stacks of crates that surround them. “What about you?”

John sighs as he pulls his lighter from his pocket. Spinning it in his hand and flicking the top open and closed as he says, “I’m currently in hiding. Not that it’s doing much good.”

“What’d you piss off in London that you had to come all the way to Star to get away from it?” Mia’s brows draw together in surprise. Despite her amused tone she tightens her grip on her bow. If John’s running from it it’s probably serious. Or pissed. Or both. Granted the likelihood that he’s avoiding a poker debt or ex is pretty high on the list of possibilities too but Mia likes to err on the side of caution in all aspects of her life anymore. Even jumping headlong into danger.

He makes a weird, almost rueful noise. “I was in San Francisco,” he admits sheepishly.

Mia doesn’t even try to cover her laugh.

“But Zee and I parted on good terms,” he adds quickly, almost nervous sounding.

“Sure you did,” she teases. “This time.”

John rolls his eyes and scoffs but doesn’t deny it.

“What’re you running from?”

“Myself, mostly,” he admits wryly. “Wandered in here on a hunch though. Coming across you seems to have been what the universe wanted.”

She makes sure to arrange her features into her most skeptical look.

“Look, it wasn’t intentional,” he grumbles.

Mia believes him but it’s too much fun giving John a hard time. “If you say so. Look, if you’re here you can make yourself useful” – he quirks a brow but Mia charges ahead – “and help me see if there’s any weapons in these.” She pats the crate next to her.

“And what do you define as weapons?” John’s smirk is back.

“Don’t be difficult,” Mia says. She turns, pulling one of her sturdier arrows out to leverage the lid off.

“Strewth, that’ll take ages,” he complains, coming up beside her. “I’m all for doing your own dirty work but I’ll pay the price to get out of this.”

Mia turns in confusion but John’s already backed up and rifling through his pockets. He pulls his pack of cigarettes out and a piece of string. Tying it around the pack, he lets it hang loose a few inches off the ground. The effect is that John looks vaguely like he’s taking his Silk Cuts for a walk as they sway slightly over the toes of his boots. He mumbles something but Mia’s never been able to make out John’s magic words before, why would today be any different? The cigarette pack swings a bit more, almost making a circle as it does so. John watches it closely but over the next few minutes the motion never changes. Mia’s reaching the end of her patience when it stops moving to hang loose over his shoes again.

“What was that supposed to do?” She doesn’t bother to hide her dry amusement.

“Find your ‘weapons.’” He doesn’t make air quotes as he reels in his cigarettes, taking one out to stick behind his ear, but Mia can still hear them and see them in the curl of his lips.

“I might be a mere mortal, but it doesn’t look like it worked,” she says sarcastically.

“Oh it worked. There just wasn’t anything to find.” John shrugs and shoves his hands back in his pockets.

Mia curses, long and loud. What a waste of a Saturday.

“I knew I put up with you for a reason,” John says.

“You, put up with _me_?” Mia raises an incredulous brow.

“C’mon love, we’ll go to Oblivion and I’ll make it up to you.” He holds his arm up, flicking his wrist as though to sweep her under it.

“Still underage, still got kicked out last time,” Mia reminds him flatly.

“Ack, I’ll buy ya a root beer.” John shrugs, having put his arm down and begun walking out the warehouse.

“I’ve never seen you buy anything and I spent an entire day with you once.”

“Fine, I’ll _get_ you a root beer.” He smiles back over his shoulder to where Mia still hasn’t moved. “This is a limited time offer, love. One I’m not planning on making again.”

“Constantine,” Mia grumbles, but rushes to catch up with him.

John nudges her as he grins, “There’s our girl, Speedy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you enjoyed this nonsense and find me on tumblr @[thelittleredheadedmusician](https://thelittleredheadedmusician.tumblr.com/)


End file.
